This summer two events occurred that drastically changed my perspective:
1) My grandmother rapidly succumbed to sporadic CJD
2) My girlfriend of 5 years moved to Australia and we broke up
The powerful combination of these two gut-wrenchingly emotional events forced me to feel in a way that I had never experienced. My life’s work of creating mental barriers to keep my logic in charge and my emotion repressed was quickly washed away by a torrential flood of feeling.
When this tidal wave surged towards me my logical side was prepared to accept the fundamental flaw in all reasoning. A past me would say:
“this response was lucky”
but you create the luck you want to see.
Others might say:
“I’m not lucky, I’m blessed”
but that doesn’t give your ‘self’ enough credit.
Instead of being swept away under a current of doubt, hatred, and depression, my logic was prepared to accept the strength of my emotional momentum and start the pendulum swinging.
Suddenly and for the first time I felt what it meant to be truly happy. To have a motivation, an objective, a purpose. To be spiritually connected to myself, the people around me, and the universe.
This change in perspective was exactly what I needed to find the answer to my own question:
“what do you do when your actions don’t align with your motivations?”