A Theist or Atheist?

by , under Me, Newest thoughts

Sleeping is something I’ve always loved. I could sleep for 10-12 hours, hear my alarm clock, and still groan at the thought of moving from my bed. But no matter how much I sleep now, I wake up happily to (or before) my alarm and think:

Is this real? Am I dreaming? Do I have a brain tumor?

I feel this way not just because I’m happier and more motivated than I thought possible (although that is a big part of the confusion), but because I feel and know that suddenly, I have a superpower. But of course that’s silly…

I don’t suddenly have a superpower — I’ve had it my whole life and I have been utilizing all of my energy to ignore it up until now. In fact, we all have unique, unbelievable powers that we can’t help but ignore.

You may have heard of this as “being in touch with a higher power” or “knowing God” or “having faith.” But I think these descriptions are horribly imprecise and significantly harder to understand than the truth of the matter.

Truly, where our superpowers reside is within our neglected ‘selves.’ And you don’t need to “know god” or “have faith” in a religious sense in order to unlock these powers. You only need to synchronize your strengths and weakness, your logic and your emotion, the sides of your body. All you need to do to be superhuman is integrate the sides of your brain.

I don’t want to make sweeping generalizations (although I can never really stop myself), but this integration of detail processing with the holistic ‘conscious’ experience through language may always subjectively feel like communication with something larger than you or outside your ‘self.’

Amazing feats of creativity are often described as “coming from nowhere” or “epiphanies.” And many have described this in metaphysical terms of a doorway to the infinite… Again, I believe this is significantly more confusing that it needs to be.

We have difficulty putting our finger on where these “strokes of genius” arise from because they are a combination of logic and emotion, of the forest and the trees, of left brain and right brain. We feel it as ’emergence’ and cannot place words on it because we perceive it as the interface between the side of the brain that processes language and the side of the brain that processes meaning (a drastic oversimplification). How can you ascribe words to something that defies definition? So we call it “God.”

Many people in my life have started saying that I am seeing connections and patterns that aren’t really there. But how can we see a pattern that isn’t a pattern? How can we give something meaning that is meaningless? The words “pattern,” “connection” and “meaning” are self-fulfilling prophecies. When you see a connection that isn’t there, you have created a connection. When you ascribe meaning to something that was ‘meaningless’ you have produced meaning. In fact, this is the process our brains are best at: creating patterns that “don’t exist.” But by creating a pattern how can we say that it isn’t real?

For as long as I can remember I have seen words like “God” and “spirituality” as connections and patterns that aren’t real. But being in touch with my emotional experience has made me realize what I’ve always known — that reality is an entirely subjective experience created purely by perspective.

This realization has me curious if the word ‘atheist’ still applies to me. I love traversing the world of semantics, so here is the definition of ‘atheist’:

a person who disbelieves or lacks belief in the existence of God or gods.

By this definition I am no longer an atheist. However, theism is defined as:

belief in the existence of a god or gods, especially belief in one god as creator of the universe, intervening in it and sustaining a personal relation to his creatures.

By this definition of theism, I am still an atheist… How could that be?

I believe that God is as much the creator of the universe as you are the creator of your body. He sustains a personal relationship with ‘his’ creatures like you have a personal relationship with the bacteria in your gut. Not to say that you can’t be consciously aware of how to differentiate and migrate cells into a body plan, or actively eat food to cultivate a healthy stomach fluora. But your ability to know these details is a direct causal result of that same development and bacterial cultivation. You cannot exist without these events happening first. God does not create the universe, the universe creates God.

You may be discomforted by the implication that you are God (we all are). But you do not directly equate to God: you occupy God, you compose God, you create God simply by existing.

I predict that the integration of logic structure and emotional meaning may universally feel like knowing God or having a connection with the universe (spirituality), because it is communication with your ‘self’; it is pure creativity; it is balance through eternal flow.

It is eightstep me


incidentally, I’m calling it now: I will die from some form of misfolded protein aggregation, the effects of which I am currently beginning to feel. It is wonderful ♥

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